In less than one month, I’ll be getting married to the woman of my dreams. This is obviously a major step in my life, and I couldn’t be more excited. Marriage is beautiful. It is a glorious manifestation of Christ and the Bride and a profound opportunity to step deeper into His heart.
As I look forward to that moment when two become one, I can’t help but contemplate the element of virginity. My wife-to-be and I will both have the privilege of giving our virginity to each other. It was not an easy road to arrive here with our purity intact, but God’s grace was sufficient, even in our weakness.
I could say that it was all God, but that wouldn’t be true. I had to make many difficult choices along the way, choices many of my friends failed to make, and I was faithful. I could say it was all me, but that wouldn’t be true either. Every decision I made was the product of divine encounter. Without His perfect faithfulness in my life, I would never… could never… have been faithful in return.
I was talking with a good friend the other day, and he commented on how much he wished he could offer his future wife the gift of his own virginity. This stirred something in my heart that I believe the Lord wants to share with every man of character who finds himself in this same position.
I am going to preface this by saying that your virginity IS extremely important. This article isn’t for those who take theirs lightly. This isn’t for those with no interest in honoring their own bodies or the women in their life. This isn’t for those who approach women for personal gain.
This article is for every man who wants to honor his wife or future wife, every man who strives to be a man of character, every man who sees the woman of his dreams but keeps an eye pointed inward, believing the mistakes of his past have ultimately robbed him of what he now has to offer. This is for you, because you need to understand what God says about you.
Life is made up of moments, and these moments are important, but they are only moments. In many ways, your virginity is a moment. It’s a precious, valuable, beautiful moment – one worth fighting for – but at the end of the day, it is one moment out of a lifetime of moments.
What am I saying? I’m saying the lifetime that you offer your wife is FAR more valuable than any single moment. When you commit your life to a woman, you are committing every day, for better or worse. The decisions you make leading into marriage are important, but not nearly as important as the ones you make after.
I don’t care what has happened in your past. I don’t care what happened yesterday. You have the opportunity to choose today, in this moment, who you are going to be. Were you dishonest before you begin dating your current girlfriend? You can choose to be a man of integrity and honesty for the rest of your life. Were you selfish for the first 3 years of your marriage? You have 95% of your marriage left to be the most selfless, honoring, and giving husband to walk the planet.
Your life is not defined by a moment. What you have to offer your wife is not defined by a moment. You could walk into marriage as pure as the day you were born and still be an awful husband. And just the same, you could have made every mistake in the book before arriving at the altar and live the rest of your life as an Ephesians 5:25 manifestation of Christ to your lovely bride.
God has set up a natural order to this world. As Solomon tells us, when we sow sin, we reap sorrow. When we sow righteousness, we reap love and joy. That is the natural order, but Jesus sacrificed His life to offer us a different reality. His redemption transcends the natural order, allowing us to reap what we have not sown.
The redemption of the cross is PERFECT. It is FINAL and COMPLETE. It is not symbolic. It ripped through the very fabric of reality to create something new, and through His blood, we are partakers of this Kingdom reality.
The blood of Christ does not simply cover your nature and say that sin isn’t underneath. If that were the case, Christianity would be the world’s biggest scam. Jesus’ blood actually destroys the old nature and replaces it with Christ Himself. “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.” Galatians 2:20.
This is a literal replacement. You can’t judge a dead man. The simplest way to communicate the reality of this statement is with a brief testimony. A lady who used to attend my church had an incredibly awful childhood. Her mother prostituted both herself and the young girl as early as 12 years old. When the lady reached her teen years, she used sex to draw men in and fill a deep emotional gap, but ultimately, God encountered and saved her. While dating one of our pastor’s sons, the pastor prayed with her that God would restore her purity, and then he instructed her that God’s redemption was perfect, and she should go and live her life as a pure daughter of God. When the two were married, the lady discovered that her hymen had been physically restored!
This is a tangible example of the superiority of Kingdom reality, and it physically demonstrates the completeness of redemption. As a man of God, you can enter a relationship with His precious daughter knowing you have the very nature of Christ. The past is covered in the blood. The future is what you choose it to be.
Am I saying that fighting for your virginity is pointless? 100% NO! Am I saying that premarital sex has no consequences? Absolutely not. Am I saying that doing life the right way has no benefits? I could write an entire book on why God’s way is superior on every level.
Here’s what I am saying.
God’s redemption is perfect, and the life you offer your wife is FAR more important than any moment of failure before your wedding night.
You have the opportunity to be a living manifestation of God’s love to your wife.
Do it. Be it. Live it.
I was talking a bit about it with some friends last night. I will surely share with some people. Really good!
EXCELLENT! Love the “you could be pure…and still be a horrible husband.” So true!
It really is about the heart – for it really is the seedbed.
Thanks also for the healing testimony. I have a friend who was promiscuous before she was married and had a specific STD that was incurable and very painful. As she began to surrender her heart to the Lord and walk in discipleship with some older women she felt like the Lord was going to restore her inside and out. She was honest with her fiance and he was very gracious and forgiving. Shortly after their wedding she went to the doctor and learned that her painful, incurable STD had been healed! She shares the story as a testimony of God’s transformative work in her heart in the area of sexual brokenness.
He is more faithful than we can imagine, and has so much more in store for us that just the “virgin” stuff.
Wow! This article changed my life! It completely reworked my perspective on some things! Thank you so much for it Jacob (If I can call you that.)
I have not the words to express my gratitude.
Hey Collins, thanks for the kind words. I’m glad it ministered to you!
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