Well alright boys. 3 months in the books.

I’d make a joke here about being an expert now, but you’ve heard that a billion times already.

The honest truth is that marriage is by far the most humbling thing I’ve ever done.

I generally tend to think rather highly of myself. Hopefully in more of a confident way than an arrogant way. I’m fairly competent at everything I try and far above average at most things. I’ve worked hard throughout my life to better myself, both for personal benefit and the betterment of others.

Most importantly, as soon as I notice something negative or lacking about myself, I immediately take measures to improve and eliminate the shortcoming. Until about 3 months ago, this strategy was proceeding brilliantly.

Enter marriage…

I’m not sure quite how to describe this, but imagine you’re poking around at a tiny leak in your sink, everything under control, only to turn around and see your living room is submerged under ten feet of water.

That’s marriage.

For me, marriage has exposed – to put it nicely – how much room I have to grow.

Looking at this precious, incredible woman of God, and realizing how much she deserves… as I said, most humbling thing I’ve ever experienced. How can I possibly value and cherish her at the level that Jesus does?

I am hopeful that I can, because He commanded me to, and He never commands us to do something without empowering us to do it.

And on this empowering and humbling journey, I’ve learned a few lessons.

1. Love Is Definitely A Choice

It’s funny because I totally “knew” this one going in, but it’s crazy how quickly it really sinks in. Every day, I have moments when I feel affectionate towards my wife and moments when I feel annoyed, angry, frustrated, etc. What follows is entirely my choice.

I can either choose to love my wife, or I can choose to focus on myself.

And that’s the second thing about marriage…

2. My Enjoyment of Marriage Depends On My Choice

It’s crazy how true this is. When I choose to focus on myself, I’m miserable. Literally miserable. I become over-absorbed with my own emotions and every little inconvenient thing she does that negatively affects me. I stop valuing her for the amazing woman she is, and life starts to suck.

But when I focus on loving and valuing her – when I choose to serve her and cover her weaknesses with grace – life is amazing. Our connection is incredible, and we have a ton of fun together. The little negative things start mattering a lot less.

Essentially, I’m saying that my enjoyment of marriage is entirely dependent on how I choose to posture my heart. When I choose love, life is amazing. When I choose to focus on me, life sucks.

3. Marry Someone Who Is Teachable

One of the most incredible things I knew about my wife going into marriage was that she had a teachable heart. I knew her heart posture was set to learn and grow, and to me, that was a MUST going into marriage.

I couldn’t have been more right.

I know people who are humble and teachable, and I know people who think they are always right. The latter are insufferable and marriage would be the absolute worst place to find yourself consistently encountering such a person.

My wife and I are both stubborn and strong-willed, so teachability isn’t always at 100% for either of us in the moment. At the end of the day, however, we are both committed to understanding and learning from each other. We are constantly seeking to grow, personally and in our role as a spouse.

When you get to spend every day with someone who loves you, values you, and is committed to growing with you… life just doesn’t get any better.


Married? Tips? PLEASE! Tell Me!



  1. I am brand new to this blog (I was searching for a manly blog – this is where I ended up!), and this was the first article I came across. What a spot on read, man. It not only realigned me and reminded me, but also humbled me again to just how valuable, incredible and what a blessing it is to be married – especially with the foundation of Christ in our marriage.

    Thanks for writing this article. I am 5 months married, so I can relate to pretty much all of this. What really hit home was “How can I possibly value and cherish her at the level Jesus does?” I think that is the hardest thing I have been working through so far. It’s often a challenge when the world tells men, “treat her like a queen – but with material things and infatuation”, when the best way to REALLY treat her like a queen, is to do exactly what you said – value and cherish her at the level Jesus does.

    Well written – glad I found this blog, and I look forward to reading some more!

    • Hey Dan, I’m glad this was meaningful to you, and more importantly, that you are so committed to loving your wife. As men, we of course want to provide for the women in our life, but as you said, it’s not the material things thar are going to make your wife feel valued.

      Welcome to the blog! Great to have you! Feel free to let me know if there are any topics you’d like covered.


  2. Jacob,
    I love this post, mainly because I experienced the same things you did after I got married.
    I entered the relationship thinking I was pretty awesome — others-focused, servant’s heart, willing to do anything for anyone at anytime.
    After a few years, thought, I realized my opinion of myself didn’t always reflect reality.
    It is for this reason that marriage is a mirror….it helps us see ourselves for who we really are, and often that reflection isn’t as flattering as we’d like it to be.
    This, of course, is both the beauty and brutality of marrying a women who loves Jesus and whose relationship makes us see ourselves as Jesus sees us.

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